Hoping for a Sunburn

My baby fell asleep during a walk up the street today and now she's in bed while I sit outside soaking up some more March sunshine. The thing about March where I live is that we get some warm spring like days and who knows if you'll wake up to snow or not in the morning. So you have to soak it up when you can.

I'm probably the whitest I've been in my life right now. I've spent most of my life outside but last year I was very pregnant during the warmest months and was already hot and miserable as it was.

So here I am, pants and sleeves rolled up watching flies, ladybugs and tractors roll by and listening to good ol' country music. We all know how uncomfortable sunburns can be if you get a very bad one. (Wich is easy to do when you're butt white.) And yet it's almost a sign of accomplishment.

For some reason you were outside. Planting a garden, reading a book, hiking, goofing at the park with people you love, or writing a blog post about sunburns. Sunshine makes me want to to do things. Get up in the morning and get stuff done. I did things this morning that I've been putting off for a while and it feels good to do finally have it done even though it was super simple.

Too much of my life is spent inside being sad and unfulfilled even though I'm usually pretty productive on a normal day. I don't always get the dishes or laundry done but we always have full belly's and feel loved and that's what matters most. I watch to many shows and don't read enough books. Spend too much time on Instagram and not enough time writing.

Sometimes I think I have to always be moving and doing "things" when really I need to go outside, sit and listen to the birds. Life is about the simple little things that we so easily forget about. My goal this year is to be happier. That doesn't happen by buying new clothes and having a spotless house. It comes by enjoying the simple things like sunshine and kisses.

Now, to continue getting my sunburn. ;)

Missy

Everyday can be a New Beginning

My life has been crazy and yet pretty boring lately. I'm a mom. That pretty much sums it all up. A mom to one beautiful baby girl barely five months old now. I've changed a lot in the process of creating and taking care of another life and I can't say they're all good. I had a lot of expectations that were nothing like the real deal. I expected to be happier to feel more fulfilled. I expected to fit back into my same jeans I was wearing before I got pregnant. I expected my life to be, well, just different.

I think almost every day that I've gotten more than I thought I'd bargained for in both the best and the worst of ways. I smile and laugh more at her than anything else. Like how on earth did she get her binki stuck in her mouth this morning!? I also cry more because of her like why she insists on being up and wide awake at three am?

But just when I think I'm at my worst and I just can't take it anymore, she smiles at me. And I remember just how much I love her and how blessed I am.

Because so many of my expectations were different than I thought they'd be I frequently find myself sad and depressed because things aren't the way I want them. And yet I don't do much to change. I haven't been exercising and eating healthier to loose baby fat and get my body how I like it. I don't do the things I love and go to places I like because of reasons and excuses.

At the beginning of the year I planned to fix all of it! And I got better at being happy until old habits crept back in not long after. And that's why I'm writing this post. Every day can be a new beginning. I started eating better this week, exercising, writing and doing things I love like being outside and reading.

If you need and want to change start today and tomorrow and the next. Don't hurt yourself if you fall short that's why we have tomorrow. It's all just a new beginning.

Missy

Imagine...

Dear Friend,

You are such a beautiful child. So innocent and kind. You have so much to do in this life. But there are some things that you need to know. This world is not as kind as you make it seem. Actually, the world is just the opposite. I’m afraid I’ve seen too much of it. I’ve been with you since you were born and I have developed into quite a little person right alongside of you. But the truth is that you’re getting older and I’m already beginning to fade. I know it has never been your intention to cause me to disappear but it is happening none the less.

There is something that you do not know and are not seeing. But I see it. I see her. She is terrifying and her hold on you is deepening and it makes me ever so sad. I fear I will melt into nothing as you grow and as The Dragons hold increases. I wish there was something I could do that would help you to fight her off. But you see, I am only a creation of your imagination. Every child is born with a friend like me. But sadly, many of us disappear into nothing, sometimes long before adulthood is ever reached.

Status Quo is doing a very good job at stifling out all fun and all imagination in this world. I fear that it is too late and that you are already too lost in her cavern to ever return to me. And yet, I still hope. For I am still here which means that you have not yet forgotten me entirely. Please remember who you really are. What you love and the dreams you had.

Remember the cowboys and Indians. The mermaids and the days of pretending to be every kind of animal known to you. Horses, dogies, cats, fish. The list goes on. Remember the silly songs we used to sing. The adventures in the back yard we used to have Remember the stories your mother would read to you and how we’d reenact them in a totally different way each time. Remember the patterns we would find in the stars and the friends we’d find in the clouds. Remember pretending that thunder was actually armies coming to attack our home. Remember how we were the fearless warriors who never ever backed down and always won the war no matter the cost.

Please remember that you are a knight in shining armor. Remember when you saved the princess who was locked away in the tallest tower guarded by the biggest dragon? Now it is almost as if you are the one locked away in the tallest tower, but you are still the only one who has the power to save yourself.

I promise that I’ve never left your side for a moment. I’m still here. Watching you, waiting for the moment when you will choose to see me once again. So far, that moment has not come. And with each passing day, I fade a little more.  But I still believe in you and know that it is possible for both of us to be free from Status Quo's clutches.

You humans have a power that no one else in this world does. You have the power of imagination. You can have, hold and command anything you desire. All you have to do is believe. Neverland never existed until one little boy we all know as Peter Pan imagined it. There was no Queen of Hearts or talking White Rabbits until Alice imagined Wonderland.There was no Pooh Bear and the Hundred Acre Woods without Christopher Robbin.  There was no music in this world until someone imagined it and made it so. There was no light bulb until Thomas Edison imagined it. How could have Cinderella gone to the royal ball in a coach made from a pumpkin without having first imagined her Fairy Godmother?

The truth is, there was no great Dragon until you all imagined her.

Do you not see the power that you hold? Do you understand that you are the one in control of what happens in your life? You are the one who imagines it. So imagine. Imagine what you could be. What you could do. I will be there with you through all of it. Waiting for our adventures to continue. If I fade I can come back. But it will be much harder for both of us.

Please remember your dreams and that they are possible. That they can be a reality; if you let them.

Please, pick up your mighty sword and slay The Dragon like we used to.

Love, your Imaginary Friend.

Writers Block

It's like an aching. An ever present ache that just grows stronger until it is no more. There is something inside of you just begging to get out. It causes you to toss and turn in the night, slip off into thought in the middle of a conversation or a bite. It seems as if your whole life and being depends on it, but there is no way to release it....

It will be your doom.

You begin to bang your head on inanimate objects. Bite your nails and pull your hair. You’re struggling, fighting a bloody battle that no one can see but you. It’s a little bit like Hell. And then one of two things happen. You win, or you lose.

If you lose the ache will never fully disappeared. There will always be this longing, searching sometimes screaming within you but it is easier to ignore than it ever was before. A sense of defeat is always near you and will never, ever leave. At almost every turn and nearly every moment there will be something that reminds you of the war you lost and the ache will return for only a moment.

You will catch the wiff of a spring flower or hear the rain pounding down on the roof above. You will feel the Autumn breeze as it gently floats around your face. You will feel the summer sun burning your skin as you hike along a once forbidden trail. You will taste the delectable hot cider as you watch the snow falling from your window. You will want to capture all of it and place it in a beautiful painting of black and white on a silver page.

But you won’t be able to.

No matter what you do you will always be stuck. You might learn to ignore it just a little. But it will never fully disappeared. There will always be that distant ache, reminding you of the war you couldn’t win. You might come back, try to paint with black and white. You might succeed at picking up your brush but in the end you’ll crumple up the silver page and walk away.

But what happens if you don’t crumple up the silver page but hold it high for all to see? What happens  if you do succeed? What happens if you win?

The ache will be released.

You will paint all over pages and pages of silver with black and white. You will create masterpiece after masterpiece. You will catch the Autumn breeze, the falling snow and hot sun. You will free the ache within you and you will also be free from the screams and nagging inside of you. There is nothing quite as refreshing as signing your name at the bottom of a page and sending it to the editor.

There is nothing quite like letting yourself be yourself.

So when all is lost. When the war seems to be lost. When all that stares back at you is a blank and empty page, keep fighting. Keep painting. Keep writing. There is no one in this world who can let the ache out of you but you. You are the one who knows what to say. Who knows the visions and dreams of those blank, silvery pages. Their mission cannot be complete unless you strive to develop and live yours.

So write. Win the war! Be yourself. Be the person who frees the ache no matter the cost. No matter the pain, the tears, the sleepless nights. When you have nowhere else to go, go to the pages within your mind that are overflowing and overwhelmed with ideas, people and stories waiting to be told by your fingers. Trust yourself. You know who you are. You know what you are capable of. It is time to doubt no longer. It is time to free the stories within your soul.

It is time to slay the Dragon.

So lift up your head. Put on your armor. Hold tight to your sword. The tides are changing and it’s time to ride the storm.

• Missy DeMille

New Year

Welcome 2016! This year will be full of new surprises and adventures! New struggles and tears. New laughter and warm hearts. New things to do. New stories to get to tell. New people to meet and new places to see.

This might just be another year. But just like every year it's full of great, awesome and crazy experiences. For me this year is going to be different than every other year up to this point. Sorta like last year, but still different. Ya'll know about my adventures in grand old 2015. I had plenty of adventures galore. From turning 18, moving out, having my first official boyfriend, first kiss, engaged and married to the love of my life. So yeah, it was a crazy world. This year I've got some big dreams that I'm going to achieve.

I hope this year can be just a little bit slower. There are so many things that I wanted to do that I just never got around to last year. I want this year to be different. I want to reach and achieve all of my little goals as well as the big ones. I want to read, study and learn lots this year. I want to teach and help lots of people. I also want to write lots and lots and lots and lots. Lots upon lots of words on lots of pages. Yup, that's a lot of lots. ;)

Anyway, I also want to be making enough money with our Financial and Leadership business that we can move out of our little redneck trailer home (the one with the hay bales stacked around it) and into an apartment home of some kind. I know it isn't going to be as easy as I would sometime like but I know it will be totally worth it. Just think about it! I could have a real bathroom AND a closet AND a real kitchen. Sounds like paradise to me. :)

Now, don't get me wrong. I love living in our little trailer. It's a fun adventure and we're making great memories that I'm already excited to tell our kids and grandkids about one day. Fun memories are always made in the small and simple situations. There have been some icy cold nights where we've had lots of blankets and close cuddles. But hey, I love fuzzy blankets and great cuddles, so I don't mind. But it is nice now that we finally figured out the furnace.

I love living so close to my in-laws, we definitely have a blast! Watching movies and making yummy food to fill our bellies with. Laughing until we cry. Discussing all kinds of strange and cool things. Staying up until after 1 am laughing way too hard at Memes and Vines because, well, it just kinda happened.

Life is one great big lovely adventure. All the little moments and memories wrapping up into one big lifetime. It's the little moments that make us who we are and who we want to be. There's so much more improving I have to do before my life is over. And I know that I'll never quite be as perfect in this life as I want to be. But that's no excuse for not trying.

This year will present me with new friends and new possibility that I never thought of before just like every year does. I will be better. I will become stronger. I will achieve some of my biggest dreams this year. And to anyone who thinks dreams never come true, just watch me.

- Missy DeMille

Where Have you Been?

This is a poem I wrote years ago that I came across the other night and decided i'd share it. It's a very sad, romantic story of a woman who was murdered while her love was away and he mourns her loss wishing he had never left. It definitely leaves some story to the imagination. :)

Where have you been?

Sweet lover, sweet friend?

I have been here so long.

Waiting, just waiting.

Waiting, just waiting.

Where have you been?

What have you done?

Why didn’t you come?

I have been waiting so long,

Here in the dark.

Waiting for you to bring me light.

Don’t turn away!

I need you to stay.

I need you to keep me warm.

There in the night,

There's Fear and there’s Fright.

Waiting to catch me in their claws.

Don’t turn away,

I need you to stay.

Hold me, calm me,

And wipe my tears away.

Where have you been?

Sweet lover, sweet friend?

I have been here so long.

Waiting, just waiting.

Waiting, just waiting.

Where have you been?

What have you done?

Why didn’t you come?

Here is my hand.

Take it. Take it!

Here is my heart.

So take it. Please, take it.

I love you,

Sweet lover, sweet friend.

The claws are inching closer.

Terror is striking.

Tears come to my eyes.

The arrow lodged deep in my chest.

Goodbye, my sweet lover.

Goodbye, my sweet friend.

*   *   *

  Tears sting my heart.

Pain tears my soul apart.

Your blood runs cold.

My lover, sweet lover.

My beautiful friend.

I’ve failed you.

I have failed you!

I have been worthless to you.

Where have I been,

Sweet lover, sweet friend?

I have been gone far too long.

You were waiting.

Just waiting.

Waiting, just waiting.

Why did you go?

What have I done!

Why didn’t I come?

What will I do without you?

What if I had come?

What have I done?

Why didn’t I come!

Good Days and Love

Today has been a good day. It's days like these that make me grateful for my life and everything that my Heavenly Father has given me. Of course they are always things I could complain about. Things I could get upset about. But why should I? So it's cold outside with traces of yesterday's snow still melting away. So my back and neck have been hurting for some unknown reason. Of course there's all those little things that I keep meaning to get around to doing and I haven't yet.
But I've had a great day cuddled up in my favorite pink, fuzzy blanket next to the heater with a great book and a LIFE audio playing in the background. Now it's getting dark and I had to turn the lights on. So I sit still cuddled up in my blanket deciding what to make for dinner so my hubby can have a warm meal after being outside in the cold all day.
I'm really grateful to have such a great man in my life. It's been almost two months since our marriage and I love him more than ever. He's the love of my life, joy of my heart and mine for eternity. I chose him, and I'm so glad that I did.
I don't know why but sitting here listening to my favourite Sam Hunt Pandora station, my love for him grew to a new level. He's the best dang thing that ever happened to me and I know everything is just going to keep getting better.

- Missy DeMille