I've had a lot of thoughts running through my head lately. So many that I'm not sure they make sense, even to me. :/ I've been thinking an awful lot about my future. You know, what I'm going to do with my future. What am I going to do for the next two school years? (Gah! Two more years left as life as a high schooler. *stares at computer in bewilderment*) Yeah, I don't have much time left at home, three years if I'm lucky. I know I want to be a writer. I want to write books, essays, the works. That is what I basically want my carer to be. I know I want to serve a mission for my Church and I KNOW I want to be a wife and mother. That right there is what I want to do.
The question is, Am I ready?
I'm going to be a writer. Pft, I already am a writer. But I want to write books that sell on the shelves at the store. The thing is, that carer is already starting, I'm working on a book, a book that I want to be one of my many masterpieces. I want it to be my first baby to be published. And I want to do it within the next two years or less. This is a little overwhelming for me. I remember when I was just really little and people would ask me if I wanted to be a writer, since I loved, loved, loved reading so much. I ALWAYS answered with a very definite NO! Haha, how things change. I've changed since then, I know now that writing is a very big and very special part of my mission. Am I really ready to do it? I hope so. Because I've begun.
When I'm 19 after already having published a book or...three, I want to serve a mission for my Church. A year and a half is a long time to be away from my family, friends and *sigh* my writing. I also know that I'm supposed to do that. But will I be ready? Am I ready? Could I do it now? It will be hard, but I think I'll be ready. I'll have to be ready, I've already told myself I will be ready. God will make up the difference where I fall short.
After my mission I want to come home, continue to write and snatch a special dude made just for me to be with for time and all eternity. Every girl dreams of this day. But the question still remains. Am I ready? Will I be ready? Will I be able to stand by, stand with, love, care, and support my future husband? To have to make decisions together, to have another part of me to deal with. Will I be able to do it? I hope so, and I hope he will be patient with me as we learn together.
Finally sometime, hopefully multiple times during my married life I want to have children. Will I be ready? Being a mother, that right there is the biggest leadership responsibility ever! Will I know enough to teach my children everything that they will need to know for their missions? Will I be able to teach them life skills, teach them right and wrong? Will they look to me as a friend and not just a "mom"? It is kind of scary to think about the responsibily. I just pray that God will help me.
Well that turned out to be a lot longer than I thought it would. :P I hope I didn't bore you.
Well...back to studying.
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